2013-01-04

...Just haven't felt like posting recently.

Had a good New Year's Day. ...Sorry I didn't wish everyone a Happy New Year. I'm...at a low where my basic threshold is "Exercise, Count Points, Work, Home, Watch Shit, Sleep." I haven't worked on Hiedamil's Song in a while and I need to, I just--

I'm tired.

Cut for sexual content and triggery Self-Injury talk. )

Finished watching To Boldly Flee and I will fully admit that it hit me in the feels. I loved the Nostalgia Critic, and...I wish I hadn't stopped watching him during Star Trek Month. I wish I had watched him to the very end. Especially since I've been reading about what an amazing person Doug Walker is in real life.

...I wish I could have handled myself the way he handled himself with Bart's Nightmare. ...Then maybe I wouldn't feel so broken, even if I'm not. That incident was the clearest start to my depression. It's helped shape my anger, my sadness, my rage, my writing...

I've let it shape parts of who I am today.

...I need to make a decision. And soon. And I need to stick with it no matter what. No more of this "starting than abandoning" projects.

But I just need some time to think first. ...And time to write. Good God, self, get off your lazy butt and start working on Hiedamil's Song again.

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chatham_t_rivers

October 2013

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