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Since June of 2011, I have been technically clean for about two years.

Come May-July of this year, I will have been clean in every sense of the word for about a year.

If you had told the me of September 2010--the me that had to make herself bleed every day in the shower just to get through the day, who almost had to be hospitalized for suicide ideation, who thought her entire life would be as a part-time mail room worker beneath a bank...

I wish I could go back and hold that girl, and tell her everything will be okay.

I forgot today was Self-Injury Awareness Day, and that was wrong of me. ...My story is part of who I am, and there are lots of people out there, suffering, being called freaks and attention whores because they don't know how to cope without the pain.

To all of you who need that...

I love you. For whatever it's worth, I love you, the good and the bad, the scars and the fresh-cut wounds. I love you because you ARE worth and deserving of that love.

And as badly as I want to snatch whatever you use to carve up yourself away from you...only you can save yourself.

All I can do is love you, and think of you, and wait with open arms for the day you're ready to start healing. I've not walked your path, but I've walked through my own hell - and I know I can't make you stop hurting your beautiful body and the wonderful, amazing person you are.

All I can do is sit here--and wait by my ask box, hoping you'll come to me and tell me your pain, if only to save you from another night of hurting yourself. All I can do is pray that you'll ask for resources, that you'll tell me you're ready to stop.

Until then, All I can do is love you and hold out my hand.

I'll be waiting for you to take it.



October 2013

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