Saw two pictures of Grandpa with subtitles he wrote himself that just make my heart ache.

Picture of young grandpa standing with his hands on his hips, his hat on his head and a cocky smile--"Some Dude"

Picture of young Grandpa sitting in uniform, not smiling--"Why So Serious?"

...It was his handwriting. He was snarky, sarcastic, and deadpan and he was just like me sometimes.

...That's part of life, I guess. Learning to live with the regrets.

I get to be pallbearer along with my brothers for the funeral tomorrow. Had work, which helped a little. Not much since I'm bogged down with a lot of work, but I've got to soldier on.

I replied to a comment that the OP made on my fill--I was worried that we had different definitions of a "happy ending" in the case of Bitter Medicine--her definition of a happy ending was one where everyone hugged and forgave and France got over his trauma. I tried to be as professional and non-wanky about it as possible. She's replied, and I'm not reading it because AHAHAHAHAAA NOPE NOPE NOPE NOT DOING THAT SHIT TO MYSELF AFTER LOSING A BELOVED FAMILY MEMBER.  I'm waiting until WELL after the funeral to subject myself to that bullshit.  It might not be drama-related, but there is a chance there might be.

And I still have a long ways to go in caring for myself, but I care about myself enough to know I tried to be as wank-free as possible and I'm not hurting myself with that bullshit.  Not now, at least.



October 2013

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