Just went to check my fill and jesus christ, there are five more responses to the post I made yesterday.

I didn't look at them and part of me isn't sure I want to look at them, but part of me knows that part of being a good writer is confronting unpopular opinions and people who disagree with what you write and being able to handle that.

...At the same time I just.  I wish I didn't have to be so scared.  I'm not going to ask anyone to look at them because I have work to get through and part of my promise was I was going to keep my distance if I needed to.  

I hate not knowing and having to know but not being able to know things because I'm such a fucking delicate flower who has to have concrit fed to me in just the right way or else it blows up in my face.  I'm no better than Meyer, whose brother has to go through her e-mail.  Or James, who has Goodreads arguments with other users.

...That's part of my problem, I think.  I want to piss people off but I don't want them to be angry with me.  I want to provoke them but I can't deal with the backlash.  

I want to love a character i used to but I can't get rid of the notion that someone, somewhere will hate it unless I write him as his canon characterization and I don't think this is enough of a mindfuck yet.

Going to go work on my commissions, watch a puzzle game LP for Antichamber, and then after that probably chill a little on the Dragonball Kink Meme.  ...Small as the fandom may be, I need a prompt and meme that hits my d'awww buttons.

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chatham_t_rivers

October 2013

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