Turns out I can't exactly TIME my upswings, but I'm starting to learn my mood rhythms.  It usually goes downswing -> breakdown -> upswing -> manic!egotistical!episode -> downswing.

Stressors like work, family emergencies, or Big Fat Meanieheads On Teh Imtarbutz tend to exacerbate things towards breakdown or mania (which are the ultimate high/ultimate low, respectively), but for the most part there's a definite, trackable pattern.  I'm pretty sure that if I went back and read my journal, I can track it just based on verbage and sentence pattern, and I tend to indicate if something's adding as a stressor.

...It's not a perfect theory, but if I can nail it down to the days I get stuck in each stage, then I might be able to avoid things that trigger my depression during my downswing and upswing days and minimize the effects of the superhighs and superlows.  Because as people have been telling me--this isn't healthy, at least not on the regular basis I've been having them.  And if I want to have the things I really want--a relationship, an ability to write on a regular basis, better eating habits, healthier relationships with my friends, better exercise habits--then I need to start taking responsibility.

...I've been really fucking stupid these past few years.  It's time to get back on track.
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chatham_t_rivers

October 2013

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