Dear Lenarix Klinde

I've let you get away with a lot of things--more than I should have.  I've let you wreck friendships, burn bridges, and destroy a good thing I had.  I'm telling you that it's going to stop.  Now.  I'm putting my foot down.

I understand your reasons for it.  And I think it's noble--you want everyone to be happy.  I will rarely ever admit this, but you are a good person, and you want to please everybody in the world.  You want to write that one, perfect thing that everyone can agree is flawless and gorgeous and beautiful.  I get it.  I do.  I think--I think at some point in their lives, every writer dreams of doing that.

And I get that you think that rapists and pedophiles are terrible people and that they deserve to suffer--again, an understandable, if much less noble, reason for writing the way you have been.  (Also, just a note--a lot of people call out the vengeful assholes who threaten murder and vigilante "justice."  So there's hope, okay?)

And depression's a bitch, and you feel so fucking alone, and you want other people to be miserable with you, and I still understand it--even if it's not noble at all.  So you force yourself into things you're not ready for, and you have to abandon those things, and then you self destruct when you get exactly the misery and pain and backlash you've been looking for.

You are a non-Euclidian, incomprehensible, and confused clusterfuck.  And it sucks--I know.

But it has to stop.

Because it's going to be okay.  

Sometimes the answers don't always come to you when you seek them out.  And they don't come right away.  And it's okay to be frustrated at that.

It's not okay to take that out on yourself--let alone other people.  Because the inspiration comes back.

But it's not easy.  You have to learn that it's okay to write what you want, when you want to, how you want it.  You have to understand that some people are not going to want certain stories to be written because a single hair on the head of a character is out of place, and then say "fuck it" and write it anyway.  You're going to have to understand that people will complain about your characterization, and that's fine as long as you keep writing; and above all, you're going to have to learn to discern what's going to help you in the long run, and what's going to utterly destroy you and tear apart everything you worked so hard to build.

You are not allowed to write to "redeem" yourself.  You are allowed to finish a prompt you want to featuring France, though; first, because you're feeling challenged by it, and second, you're apologizing to somebody you feel you've wronged.  They're both good reasons.

The second you do it to try to please everyone who doesn't like your work or to try to regain whatever meaningless "status" you had, it won't be.

I think I am giving you a remarkable amount of freedom--maybe more than I should.  This is going to be your final chance, and I'm giving it to you because I think you're at a point where you can handle it.

Don't fuck it up, for both our sakes, and just let yourself have some fun.  

Okay?

With Cautious Hope,

Brill

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chatham_t_rivers

October 2013

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