chatham_t_rivers ◾ ◾ re-entering the lion's den

I've been hinting for a while that I wanted to go back to writing for Hetalia, but I've not yet done it because I've been both afraid that I'm not ready and trying to get into writing more original stuff, using fanfic I've written as a springboard.

I've finally decided how I'm going to approach this: Slowly, methodically, and deliberately. I've been away from that fandom for some time--haven't written about it or even talked about it that much. I think I am ready to try to go back, and I have a ground plan:

I am going to set a date in the future where I will most definitely go back. Right now, I'm gunning for Saturday, August 17th at 5:00pm EST. I am setting this date because if I schedule something, I'm more likely to keep to it. And this is a demon I feel I need to conquer.
I am going to start by reviewing as many of the comic strips, new and old, that I can find. I'll see if I can dig up as complete an archive as possible. I need to go back to the source material, re-read it, and draw my own conclusions about the characters.
I will start off by writing drabbles. I've found that bits and pieces of fiction are easier for me as of late rather than big, long projects, so that's what I'm going to stick with. I will write small scenes, vignettes, moments that have some sort of conclusion. This will reduce stress and pressure, as well as feelings of failure if I have to abandon something. If more comes from it, great! If not, that's fine too.
I will avoid That Character for the time being. In my heart of hearts, he is and always will be my favorite character--but I think I like the character as I've sculpted him from fanon and fanfics, rather than who he is in the strips. I don't much like how he's portrayed in the strips, and it was the work of fans that made me love him as much as I did. He wasn't one of my favorites when I started. So to avoid bad feelings and drama, that character is off limits for now. I'll try to avoid even mentioning him if I can.
In the same vein, the Discussion Post is off limits. I love debate and I like some of the things the discussion post provided, but let's face it, it's a hotbed for wank--and that's a bad combination with my temper, triggers, and love of arguing/debating. Maybe when I'm certain that I'm stable.
I am first and foremost a servant to the story, and no one else. I like concrit, and I like hearing things that help me improve--and as you guys know, if concrit is given in a way that helps me improve and gives me awareness of blind spots, I encourage it. But I won't change something I feel is fundamentally wrong. If it doesn't fit the story I'm trying to tell, or if it causes me to lose enjoyment in what I'm doing, it's getting rejected, at least at that time, or it may be something I use for my original work. Good concrit is hard to come by, and I intend to use what I see to make myself better, but I'm not going to take the words of someone else as God. This extends to content--if I want to write nasty, gory rape or some lighthearted comedy gen, both of those are fine. I will not be ashamed of myself for what I feel inspired to write--even if some of it makes my skin crawl.
I am going to distance myself immediately if things get hairy. I think I did an admirable job of that with the Channel Awesome fandom. While I'm not currently writing for that fandom, I did avoid the catastrophe that was my BNFdom with Hetalia. I've proven to myself that I can do it. I just need to stick to it.
I will stay distant from the fandom in general. From what I've read, there's a lot of BS going on in the Hetalia fandom right now. I am going to go read prompts and write fic, and nothing else. I may respond to comments with a thank you, but that's it.
I am going to stop actively concentrating on sending a message or being a "healer" when I write. I liked the praise that I got from people who liked my rape recovery fanfic and my dialogue on forgiveness. But I let it go to my head. I am going to actively avoid using rape as a story hook or let it be part of any sort of story, at least for now. I know now that I wasn't prepared to write it then, and I'm not prepared to write it now. There are more interesting ways to break and traumatize characters, and more ways to tell a story and show said character healing. Also, I need to get back in touch with a little something called "plot."
I'm going to have fun, dammit. I forgot what having fun was all about when I started thinking I was some big, important person making a change in the world and saying really profound stuff when I wasn't. It's time for me to relax and remember that I write for me, and me first, and I write because I have fun with it.

So there's that. Now if you'll excuse me, there is a disappointingly mediocre yet somehow intriguing Dragon Ball Z fanfic that I need to start sporking with my inner ~~sociopath~~ goddess.